I will never forget when Jon told me that he had a desire to adopt a child. He told me Mothers Day, May 8th. He came to me at night when the girls had gone to bed. His eyes were twinkling and he said to me, “Jenn, I have something I need to tell you. I don’t know what you are going to say. I have always had a heart to adopt and after 3 children I never thought it would happen. In fact, God has been putting it on my heart. I have been wrestling with him for quite some time, telling him no God! I already have 3 children. I don’t want another one. This desire was just not going away. He needed to tell me.”
I was shocked, especially at the fact that he was saying he wanted another child. He had always said that three were enough. I still remember having Audyn and holding her thinking that I could have had another child. He was the one that would have needed convincing. I think that I was mentally preparing myself that 3 was all that we would probably have.
My next thought was how are we ever going to pay for an adoption. It is really expensive!!! He said, “Jenn, I believe God will provide if he wants us to do this.” I have to say I was really unsure about going down the whole adoption avenue. I really did not have an interest at all. He just said, “I have been and will continue to pray and if it is God’s desire then he will put it on your heart too.”
I still was not on the same page for months. I would come home from doing errands and there would be a packet on our porch from another adoption agency. I would roll my eyes, pick it up and mumble, he’s at it again. I would pick up the packet, bring it inside, put it on the counter and then just tell him later when he got home that he had another packet. I didn't even open them!! I would sit on the couch at night and night after night, he would research adoption. He would send me e-mails of information. I have to say that I don't think that I even read any of the e-mails. He would ask me and I said yes I saw that you sent it but I didn't have a chance to read it.
After months of him praying for me, I started to feel that God was moving in my heart too. He was definitely giving me a strong desire to adopt a child. I had so many things that just started to happen to me. I felt him speaking to me through music, verses, and then placing people in my path. I knew God was putting things in place for me. I remember driving in the car and hearing a song called “I Refuse” by Josh Wilson. (It is on my playlist below) I was listening to the words and things just really sunk in for me. It talks about refusing to sit around and wait for others to do what God has called us to do. We are the hands and feet for others for them to see God's glory. When he calls us to move, we need to follow through. I really felt God speaking to me through this song.
I also received countless e-mails from devotionals that I receive and every one of those e-mails pertained to what I had been processing and also about trusting God. Having faith to believe that if God calls us to do something big, he is in the background making everything happen. He is controlling the scenes. ALL of them.
I had also gotten a journal from a friend for my birthday in April. I had it sitting on my nightstand, with something else on top of it. I was looking for a book that I could record some adoption information in. When I moved a few things on my nightstand, I came upon this journal that I had received. On the front of it it said "With God all things are Possible Matthew 19:26" It was truly a good reminder again placed at the perfect time.
If you know me, I LOVE little, little babies. In fact I had mentioned earlier that in the hospital right after Audyn was born, I was holding her and looking at her. I had thought to myself. I could do this again. I could. Jon had said no way. Three is good. Before looking at all of the baby stuff, I just couldn't let go of it. You know, get rid of it. About a month ago, a friend of mine came over with her newborn baby boy. I looked at him and thought he was absolutely adorable but I felt like God was saying to me that I am not going to have another little one like that. He was saying that my next one would be a little older. I feel like I have a peace about that. Which is surprising to me. He has for sure been working on me. You may not understand this, but I truly feel that God has already gave me a love for a child that I do not know or have even met yet. I have not even seen a picture but I believe that he has a child that will be waiting for us.
We started to put some steps into action. We had a couple of meetings where we went to talk to adoption agencies and also had some phone conversations with an adoption agency. We had also connected with friends of ours who are currently going through the adoption process. In fact they are there as we speak, getting their daughter. We used to hang out back in high school. It has been at least 11 years since we had seen them. It is so neat to see how God works and brings people you already know back into your life to serve his mission and help each other out. They have been giving us advice, and walking with us through the beginning processes. They have been praying for us too.
After meeting with some agencies and talking with them, we felt that God was leading us to use Holt International as our agency. We sent in our application in on August 13th. We heard back from them August 18th welcoming us into the Program!!
Please pray for us as we start the process of our journey. I know that it will be challenging but God will not let go of us or this precious child. We will need to do some fundraising to help raise funds to bring our child home. That was hard to think about but I have realized that this is a mission that God has called us to. I know that God will provide because he never calls us to something we cannot do.
