Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Emotional Moment

For those of you who know me I don’t cry often.  I have always held back tears.  Often I wondered why?  Over this journey of adoption I have had a few emotional moments thinking of my family and how blessed we are by our glorious father in heaven.  How he provides for our needs and as we submit to his plan for our lives we are transformed into a new person.  I have seen so much growth in myself and my family during this adoption process.  It’s been a true blessing from God.  My girls are starting to seek a new cultural experience that never existed in this family before.  Over a year ago I prayed asking God to use me and use my family to fulfill his purpose in our lives.  I felt the need for something different in my life and I prayed this prayer consistently for a few months.  In my prayers I had emotional moments asking God to specifically stretch my faith and use me to do more on this earth.  I surrendered to him.  I guess after praying this over and over again God finally knew I was serious and decided to take us down the road of adoption.  I look back now with a little humor because the one thing I told many people was “I am NOT having any more children”.  I believe God knew that was the one thing I was holding onto in which I eventually surrendered to his plan.  Does God have a sense of humor??  O yes he does and he has proven it to me.

So what’s the emotional moment?  Jenn took Isabella to a mommy market this past Friday night and I was home with Ava and Audyn.  The evening started out with our small group bible study and after they left it was time for me to get the kids ready for bed.  Well that’s when it hit.  Ava and Audyn began to ask for Mommy.  Ugh Oh!!  Not the “I want my mommy”  moment.  Maybe some of you can relate to this.  I remember thinking what is it that our girls always want Mommy to be in the house at bedtime.  As I rocked our little one Audyn to sleep I began to sing to her “You are my sunshine”.  She was resistant at first but soon began to be calmed by the singing.  I remember somewhere during the middle of the song thinking of our daughter Piper half way around the world.  It was at that moment tears came to my eyes as I reflected on Piper’s life at 9 months of age and knowing at this moment in time she does not have a mommy or a daddy to turn to at nights before bed.  Nighttime has a way of bringing fears out of children and adults.  It was then that my heart was heavy for Piper and I started praying and asking for God’s protection on her little sole.  My heart goes out to orphans, children, divorced parents, and adults who are without their parents.  I can attest to this because I lost my mother about 10 years ago to breast cancer. 

I then got myself together emotionally and went into Ava’s room.  She was also crying asking for Mommy.  Occasionally, I will jump into Ava’s bed and hold her and sing to her as well.  So I jumped into her bed and she stopped crying because she enjoys when I do this.  I began to sing to her “Silent Night” which I have sung to her since she was a two years old.  She always stares into my eyes when I sing this song as though her eyes are telling me “I’m going to be okay”.  I see security in her eyes.  I began to tear again as I began to think of Piper’s security.  When I look at pictures of Piper I see a little girl’s eyes that has lost her security.  I see a girl who is waiting for someone to give her that security that they will be there for her.  I appreciate all those who are caring for Piper at this time in her life but at the same time I know she needs us.  Please continue to pray that Piper receives the nurturing care that she needs. 

At this point in time we are still waiting for Piper’s file to be fully released.  This is needed in order to proceed with the letter of intent to specifically adopt Piper.  We are at a standstill until this happens. It has been a long couple of weeks as we wait for this to happen.  We have had our darling daughter’s beautiful picture to see which now makes it surreal.  She is our daughter!!!  The more we look at her the more we continue to fall head over heels for her.  She is BEAUTIFUL!!!  We want more than anything to be able to get the ball rolling; however we know that it is not in our timing.  We have turned it over to God and we are allowing him to do what he has planned.  We know that he is mighty and faithful and he can move mountains even when we think they can’t be moved.   We cannot have little faith.  We know he has brought us this far and he is in control of everything.  Please pray that in his timing that her file will be fully released. 

Sunday, March 11, 2012

THE CALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Friday afternoon, March 9th at 2:34 PM I received a beep while I was on the phone with my sister.  I looked at the caller ID and saw it was our social worker calling in.  I got so excited and just said I gotta go, I gotta go and hung up.  She had no idea what was happening.  I answered and it was Melissa our social worker.  She said that she had a referral for us.  I was SO SHOCKED!!!!  The shared list was released a few weeks ago.  She proceeded to tell me that she is 9 months old, has cleft lip/palate.  She just had surgery for her lip repair in February 2012.  Her lip repair was provided by Love Without Boundaries.  During this process we have prayed that she is being cared for, loved and held.  It turns out that she is in a group home care setting which is in an apartment of an orphanage.  She is currently being cared for by a husband and wife.  I was looking for something to stand out to me.  A few things did one being that she is being cared for in the type of setting she is in.  The second being that she has been sponsored  Sponsorship Program.  A few months back Jon and I took Isabella to Winter Jam.  Winter Jam is a Christian Concert, with 10 music groups that was sponsored by our agency Holt International.  It was the neatest experience!!!  We went and they had talked about orphans and adoption, amazing videos, and shared what sponsoring orphans was like etc.  They had tables available where you could sponsor children who are waiting for their forever families.  The sponsorship helps pay for food, clothing, shelter, attentive care and meeting basic needs.  A person sponsors the child until they are adopted and find their forever families.  It was truly amazing to be there knowing that we are in the journey towards adopting our little girl and our agency was the sponsor of the entire event!!!!  Well, it turns out that this little girl has been sponsored!!  She looks beautiful and well cared for.  We are currently awaiting a medical review by CHOP.  We are in prayer and awaiting these results.  She has already stolen our hearts.  God is so good!!  I looked at her and knew that this is our Piper.  When I got off of the phone with Melissa, I immediately called Jon at work.  He looked at the number calling in saw it was me and quickly grabbed the phone in a way he normally does not.  I told him I had good news for him and told him everything I knew.  He told me that when he saw that I was calling he immediately thought that I was calling with a referral.  He had a feeling and said it was the weirdest thing.  Now you all may be wondering if Jon looked at the pictures......well he had no choice.  I e-mailed him the file and said you need to look at it.  I then asked him to print out all of the information so we could look at it.  After all, I forgot to mention we received the call while getting ready to go away for the weekend.  My sister in law was getting married in Maryland.  It was such a great time and we got to share our news with Jon's side.  It was amazing!! 
Sharing the news with our girls is something I will never forget.  Isabella had went with her grandparents Friday to leave earlier for Maryland.  Ava, Audyn and I went out to do some errands.  When we got back I got the call a few minutes later.  I showed Ava and she just lit up.  Hugged me and said I cannot believe we have a picture of Piper!!!!  Later on Ava called Isabella to tell her.  I could hear her scream through the phone.  She got teary and was in complete shock.  Showing her the picture when we got to Maryland Saturday was incredible.  She just stared and stared.  They both too believe that it is their sister.  Audyn looked at the picture and on her own said Piper.  I believe she knows too :) 
There is a song that has been really speaking to me lately and I wanted to share it.  It is "Whatever You're Doing" by Sanctus Real, which I heard at Winter Jam.  It had been played on the radio many times.  I even got sick of it to be honest.  It was not until that night that it really spoke to me.  I hear it and it makes me tear.  The words to the song are:

It's time for healing time to move on
It's time to fix what's been broken too long
Time make right what has been wrong
It's time to find my way to where I belong
There's a wave that's crashing over me
All I can do is surrender

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos somehow there's peace
It's hard to surrender to what I can't see
but I'm giving in to something heavenly

Time for a milestone
Time to begin again
Reevaluate who I really am
Am I doing everything to follow your will
or just climbing aimlessly over these hills
So show me what it is you want from me
I give everything I surrender...


Time to face up
Clean this old house
Time to breathe in and let everything out
That I've wanted to say for so many years
Time to to release all my held back tears

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but I believe
You're up to something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly

Whatever you're doing inside of me
It feels like chaos but now I can see
This something bigger than me
Larger than life something heavenly
Something heavenly

It's time to face up
Clean this old house
Time breathe in and let everything out

As I sit and look at her picture and listen to this song I am just amazed and truly thankful at how God has worked in my heart and clearly opened it up for this little girl.  I have completely surrendered and allowed him to completely work and pave the way to this point in time.  He has shown me over and over he IS ALL OVER THIS ADOPTION!!!  Please join us in prayer as we await the medical review these next few days.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

The Wait

The wait for Piper what does it mean??  Well it means plain and simple that Gods timing is perfect and it’s not time yet.  As I reflect there are many times in life where the wait was hard, the anticipation of not knowing when.  So many times we wonder why??  Why not now, or why did things turn out this way.  I guess this is why we are not God.  God is a master piece and knows how to weave and thread the stitches of our lives to shape us into an image of him.  Faith, Ooooo you bet as we grow and walk this journey of life our faith is tested.  We go through struggles, we go through joys, we question God, and we often turn away from him. 

For those of you who do not know I am hearing impaired.  I have worn two hearing aids since the age of 4.  One day I was playing in a sand box with my back turned away from my parents.  They came up behind me and called my name.  I did not respond.  They brought me inside the house and did some tests with me to see if I could hear them.  It was then they learned of my special need.  My father and mother raised me to believe I could do anything even though I had a special need. It was a hard road at times for them and myself.  In the beginning I was in first grade and the principal of the private school I attended told my father your son will always struggle in school.  He will continue to fall farther and farther behind academically.  What does a parent do when they are confronted with these difficult situations??  What happened next??  My mother and father BELIEVED in me!! They believed I could do it.  My father walked away from that meeting with a promise to God.  His promise was that he was going to do everything possible to make sure I succeeded in life.  He was going to help me with my studies and make sure I had a fair shot at life.  My life went on…  My parents spent many nights tutoring me and helping me with my studies.  I spent my entire elementary years in speech therapy and my junior high school years being tutored.  Well it paid off.  I graduated from high school and then went on and graduated from college.

Why am I telling you this??  Jenn and I have now reached a point in our lives that we can believe in someone.  Someone that is going to have a special need.  Someone that will need us to believe in her and give her the best shot at life.  I believe whole heartedly that this little girl is going to be very special.  I pray that she will someday tell her story and those around her will know how special she is.  I pray that the special need will be defeated and she can stand and say my parents believed in me when others did not.  

Piper has a family that is waiting for her.  We are waiting to love her and care for her.  We started the adoption process back in August.  We trusted God had plans for our adoption and knew there was a special girl waiting for us.  Our hearts yearn for her as we pray and wait till the day where we meet our daughter. 

The wait…  It’s hard to wait knowing that our daughter needs us.  It’s hard to wait when you are just anxious to see a picture of her and know who she is.  It’s hard to wait when you just want to hold her and tell her its okay mama and baba are here for you.  It’s hard to wait knowing that some nights she may cry herself to sleep not knowing where she is or where her mama is.  It’s hard to wait when your heart is torn because you know your daughter is hours away and needs you.  The wait can be hard.  It can be grueling but we know it’s temporary.  God’s timing is perfect.  It’s hard to understand it when you are in the middle of the storm waiting to see the sunshine.  It’s hard to understand it when we have the “WHY” question.  Why not now.  Then we remind ourselves that God’s timing is perfect.  He threads and stitches our lives and molds us into his image.  The question becomes do you trust him?  Do you have faith in him?  Then wait and he will drive you through the storm and deliver the most perfect sunrise you could ever see.   

Psalm 37:7
Be still in the presence of the LORD, and wait patiently for him to act. Don't worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes.

Psalm 40:1
I waited patiently for the LORD; he turned to me and heard my cry.