Wednesday, March 28, 2012

Emotional Moment

For those of you who know me I don’t cry often.  I have always held back tears.  Often I wondered why?  Over this journey of adoption I have had a few emotional moments thinking of my family and how blessed we are by our glorious father in heaven.  How he provides for our needs and as we submit to his plan for our lives we are transformed into a new person.  I have seen so much growth in myself and my family during this adoption process.  It’s been a true blessing from God.  My girls are starting to seek a new cultural experience that never existed in this family before.  Over a year ago I prayed asking God to use me and use my family to fulfill his purpose in our lives.  I felt the need for something different in my life and I prayed this prayer consistently for a few months.  In my prayers I had emotional moments asking God to specifically stretch my faith and use me to do more on this earth.  I surrendered to him.  I guess after praying this over and over again God finally knew I was serious and decided to take us down the road of adoption.  I look back now with a little humor because the one thing I told many people was “I am NOT having any more children”.  I believe God knew that was the one thing I was holding onto in which I eventually surrendered to his plan.  Does God have a sense of humor??  O yes he does and he has proven it to me.

So what’s the emotional moment?  Jenn took Isabella to a mommy market this past Friday night and I was home with Ava and Audyn.  The evening started out with our small group bible study and after they left it was time for me to get the kids ready for bed.  Well that’s when it hit.  Ava and Audyn began to ask for Mommy.  Ugh Oh!!  Not the “I want my mommy”  moment.  Maybe some of you can relate to this.  I remember thinking what is it that our girls always want Mommy to be in the house at bedtime.  As I rocked our little one Audyn to sleep I began to sing to her “You are my sunshine”.  She was resistant at first but soon began to be calmed by the singing.  I remember somewhere during the middle of the song thinking of our daughter Piper half way around the world.  It was at that moment tears came to my eyes as I reflected on Piper’s life at 9 months of age and knowing at this moment in time she does not have a mommy or a daddy to turn to at nights before bed.  Nighttime has a way of bringing fears out of children and adults.  It was then that my heart was heavy for Piper and I started praying and asking for God’s protection on her little sole.  My heart goes out to orphans, children, divorced parents, and adults who are without their parents.  I can attest to this because I lost my mother about 10 years ago to breast cancer. 

I then got myself together emotionally and went into Ava’s room.  She was also crying asking for Mommy.  Occasionally, I will jump into Ava’s bed and hold her and sing to her as well.  So I jumped into her bed and she stopped crying because she enjoys when I do this.  I began to sing to her “Silent Night” which I have sung to her since she was a two years old.  She always stares into my eyes when I sing this song as though her eyes are telling me “I’m going to be okay”.  I see security in her eyes.  I began to tear again as I began to think of Piper’s security.  When I look at pictures of Piper I see a little girl’s eyes that has lost her security.  I see a girl who is waiting for someone to give her that security that they will be there for her.  I appreciate all those who are caring for Piper at this time in her life but at the same time I know she needs us.  Please continue to pray that Piper receives the nurturing care that she needs. 

At this point in time we are still waiting for Piper’s file to be fully released.  This is needed in order to proceed with the letter of intent to specifically adopt Piper.  We are at a standstill until this happens. It has been a long couple of weeks as we wait for this to happen.  We have had our darling daughter’s beautiful picture to see which now makes it surreal.  She is our daughter!!!  The more we look at her the more we continue to fall head over heels for her.  She is BEAUTIFUL!!!  We want more than anything to be able to get the ball rolling; however we know that it is not in our timing.  We have turned it over to God and we are allowing him to do what he has planned.  We know that he is mighty and faithful and he can move mountains even when we think they can’t be moved.   We cannot have little faith.  We know he has brought us this far and he is in control of everything.  Please pray that in his timing that her file will be fully released. 

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